Admittedly, I have been on a pretty serious hiatus from my little personal blogosphere. After weeks of tirelessly trying to come up with something relevant to say, I simply reflected on a million different conversations that I’ve had with a number of brilliant humans over the last few weeks. We’re all busy, and experiencing life from different angles, but certain things seem to be unanimous. With that said, I finally sat myself down, and took the pressure off. This is when the words start to flow. Sometimes you just have to go full Kanye with yourself and remember “I see what you’re saying and imma let you finish but…”
Take a moment, try to picture your life up until this exact moment, as if it were a film. Now picture a freeze frame (or two) from that film, where you were suddenly veiled with absolute certainty that you were exactly where you were meant to be, or perhaps the complete opposite of that. Every now and then, we experience an unexpected clarity that makes us feel totally in control. On the flip side, there are also times where we feel like a puppet attached to an invisible set of strings. I think we can all agree that the initial transition into adulthood, and mastering the art of “responsibility” is a bit of a juggling act. Or, at times, similar to navigating the depths of Pan’s Labyrinth. After a recent discussion with some friends, we established that with little exception, despite what you see at first glance, or in someone’s social media highlight reel, most of us have absolutely no clue what we’re doing. You might venture to say it’s the biggest ‘blind leading the blind, grass is greener’ classic mix up that many of us are completely ignorant to until we’re on the other side, slightly jaded (but 100% wiser) by the traumas of young adulthood. In your twenties and sometimes even into your thirties, you experience what can only be described as the feeling of being pushed into a flash mob, where everyone knows the same perfectly choreographed dance routine but you. In reality, we’re all just stumbling along, learning things as we go, developing a new move here and there, that will ultimately get us to where we need to be. It’s that uncomfortable limbo where you’re dialed in to what needs to go down, but you’re not 100% sure whether or not you’re completely screwing it up.
Here’s the good news:
You’re part of the majority. We’re all a little clueless. You always hear the saying “your 20’s are your selfish years” – don’t get me wrong, I don’t entirely disagree – but I think many people miss the point of this statement. Selfishness should be entirely left out of the equation. I don’t think the focus should be on disqualifying the role that others play in your life in order to live a fulfilling one. Maybe your twenties are about grabbing onto every opportunity, loving your friends and family whole heartedly and dwelling heavily in the belief that life isn’t about avoiding the bumps and bruises, but instead, collecting the figurative scars that are left behind, proving that we showed up for it.
Here’s my theory:
Every person in your life plays a role, it might not be obvious at first, but they will shape you and your perspective on the world.. Which is kind of awesome. They all come with a little lesson or memory attached to them. A friend of mine once compared friendships to those little red monkeys in a barrel; when you find a good one, grab onto them and link your way to the top. Absorb each others qualities and thrive in that mutual energy. Every single human has value, and what we need to realize is that our relationships need to be value-added ones. Bring something to the table, and realize the importance of what others have to give. A word of warning, do not use these people, but always walk into an interaction with the knowledge that you can learn from them. In other words, be humble, stay kind and be curious. I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by some seriously amazing unicorns that gifted me with the following life hacks, that I’m going to toss out there for everyone to enjoy:
- Remember how much power you hold by simply choosing to operate with decisiveness and tact. Don’t second guess your intuition, apologize, or say ‘I don’t know’. Trust in your ability to choose your path and make your own decisions.
- Obstacles and challenges happen. Adulthood comes hand in hand with adversity. The trick is to define yourself by your character in how you behave, despite what life throws at you.
- We don’t necessarily ‘get over’ a major event that ultimately carves the pathway for us to navigate through on our journey in life. Instead, focus on absorbing these moments, events, losses or victories. By wading through something, and truly valuing its presence in our lives, we often become kinder, different, more evolved versions of ourselves. This is magical, so enjoy life, even when it’s hard.
- You don’t stumble upon a happy life, you make one.
- When you’re finished changing. You’re finished. Adapting is an absolute strength.
- Everyone is doing their best, based on their level of awareness. Expect less, and give as much as you can.
- Stop believing that the next moment is more important than the current one. Be present.
- Nothing belongs to us; not things, not humans. Understand and appreciate the things that exist in your life, but don’t take them for granted. Even the air we breathe must be exhaled.
- If you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
- Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they are finished. Always remember to be kind to yourself. Simply strive to be better than you were yesterday.